


Never Go To The Fantasy Costco (At 3:00 Am)

by BunnyLexicon



Series: The Moments Inbetween [3]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Griffin show me the dark timeline where Garfield kept the Magnus clone body, None canon background characters, Other, THIS IS WHY YOU DONT MAKE DEALS WITH A CHOATIC EVIL CAT DEMON FROM HELL, The Costco Cryer, The moon was gonna have a cryptic of some sort okay????
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-06 00:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11024346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BunnyLexicon/pseuds/BunnyLexicon
Summary: There are times when the Buerue just doesn't have everything, be it from those rad as fuck cookies you're craving, to Yarn and Crocheting needles.3:00 AM is the witching hourIt's also when Security turns its head and when anything goes deals happen, even if you don't have any gold.How is this store still in business? (probably from ripping people off)





	1. In Which Magnus Really Needs A Better Time To Knit And Crochet

Magnus wasn't sure why he was here.

He didn't bring any gold, he wasn't even sure how he had gotten here. One moment he was in his room, sleepily crocheting a new blanket since Taako keeps stealing his, and then the next thing he knows he's snapped the needles in half again.

Maybe crafting things when he couldn't sleep wasn't the best of ideas. His hands can only handle being busted up so much after all. It was nice to give his mind something easy to focus on, something he didn't have to focus on but chose to.

Regardless, he was in Fantasy Costco now, barely a soul in sight too. Three In the morning was certainly an odd time to be anywhere, unless you were nocturnal, then it would probably be normal. There were a few People here and there in the store, most likely to get groceries and go about their normal lives. Magnus only recognized a few of them; a Triton named Mark who worked night shift for the spheres and liked to play Uno. Mark was looking at the sale shelves, most likely looking for some cheap food. Then there was a half Drow named Lilith and Their partner in crime Muffin, A large Tiefling woman, who both just adored baking. Muffin was asleep in their cart while Lilith was looking around.

They would nod and ask if Magnus was feeling okay, the ones not asleep would anyway. This happened often enough that sometimes he'd even get cart rides if they were just looking and not shopping. An attempt to get the Ruff Boi to relax, if the lull of sleep was unappealing. A loud voice however drew Magnus out of his inner thoughts

“OH, WHY IF IT MAGNUS BURNSIDE. WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH TODAY?” Garfield's voice was always loud, but did it always sound like yelling? Probably not, but it sure as hell did just then.

“I was uh, just looking at the craft section for later. See how much gold I'll need when I'm actually awake and stuff.”

“Why Magnus, why pay with gold when you can make a deal! You like deals don't you?” Garfield grinned, his teeth looking…. Oddly transparent.

“Dude do you like, need to see a dentist Orr….?” Magnus shifted, glancing around. “Or is that like, normal for your teeth?”

Garfield placed a paw on his teeth, before blinking. “Oh this? It's from some edible specter paint I was making in the back. Makes you appear…. Ghostly. So how about it big boy, you wanna make a deal or not? I won't ask for much.”

“...... Fuck it, what do you want?”

“I see you have a rather nice hair brush in your pocket there, it's your little wizard friends, isn't it?” Garfield examined the brush, a smile on his face.

“Yeah and I can't give that to you, Taako would freak and then burn down This place looking for it.” Magnus grabbed the brush back, careful to not crack or damage it.

“Nonsense my good sir, I don't want the hairbrush, I just want the hair that's in the brush. It looks almost like it's strands of silver.” Garfield grinned, staring at the Human.

The deals worlock did seem to adore silver things more than gold, if his normal robes were anything to go off of. Magnus stared at Garfield, too tired to properly deal with this shit. “..... This isn't going to end in you doing dark magic shit with it, is it?”

“As long as the Costco Cryer doesn't get it, then yeah. No harm will come from you giving me your friends shiny shiny hair. I'll even enchant them so they don't break.”

“..... The fuck is The Costco Cryer?!?”

“ _Shhhhhhhhhshshshshshshshshshsh shush_. You don't want them to hear you talking about them, do you? That's how it finds you after all.” Garfield actually frowned, looking a bit scared at the idea.

“.... Take the hair, I'm going back to my room, if it ends up bad I'm gonna kick your ass, got it?” Magnus set his head down on the counter, feeling exhausted. It was too late to deal with this stuff, or too early. He wasn't sure which it was at the as rack of morning and night.

“Excellent. Wonderful doing business with you, and remember, don't tell the Director about my little Enchantment offers.”


	2. In Which Merle Is A Pretty Good Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle is honestly not having any of Garfields fucking shit tonight.

Merle quietly walked into Fantasy Costco, a frown on his face. The base had been busy as of late for the Cleric, or rather all the clerics on the base. The flu had hit hard, the higher elevation doing to Bureau members no favor. It didn't affect everyone, but it did spread enough to slow down things considerably.

Mostly it was the Regulators hit the hardest. The seekers had squeaked by for the most part, and luckily Magnus and Taako seemed to of only caught a weaker version of the bug, probably from Angus, who bounced back real quick from the flu.

They were not why Merle was awake however. Merle's sleep cycle had been off ever Since the bug hit, mostly since those who slept during the day seemed almost immune to the bug. It was nice however, some of the seekers inviting him to their weekly story weavings. They were good kids, not as good as his kids though.

Merle was here for a different reason, it seems whatever flu hit the moon was finally catching up to Lucretia. She was a smart woman when she started to feel off, asking Merle if he was going by Costco anytime soon to get her some cold medicine and tea. It probably helped that she was one of the last to get sick.

He didn't see very many people, a half elf Magnus liked to talk to a lot was there, lily or something was their name- pushing another half elf, Poncho being his name, down the aisles in a cart. Seemed like fun, maybe he could join in later…

...Or he could join in now and have some fun. Garfield was still out in the back of the store, so it wasn't like he could actually pay yet anyway. He'd rather deal with Garfield then the pharmaceutical worker anyway. The Director is a great friend, but he didn't have time to wait three hours when no one was here just because some prissy worker wants to wait until his number came up.

After a good Twenty minutes goofing off with Poncho and who he now learned was Lilith, he walked over to Garfield, watching him doing that creepy floating he seems to do. “Hey, I need help finding some shit.”

“Why, if it isn't Merle Hitower Highchurch! How can the deals worlock help you today my friend?” Garfield leaned close to the Dwarf, seeming to only be a few inches taller than him.

Merle knew that was bullshit though, he's seen him haggle with Taako and Magnus before. Garfield always made himself a few inches taller then whatever or whoever he was dealing with, whether it was persuasion or intimidation Merle wasn't sure.

He knows Garfield doesn't feel right though, never has to be honest. He just wasn't sure _what_ exactly Garfield really _was_.

“I need some cold and flu medicine, and probably some tea. I can't seem to find any though… Well at least any that isn't for kiddie shit.”

“That's to be expected! We just rearranged the store after all, there was an incident with the alcohol section being next to the heaters.”

“What hap-”

“A terrible explosion! I didn't have to clean it up though, so it was awesome!” Garfield leaned closer to Merle, humming quietly. “I think I have exactly what you need, but the question is, what are you willing to trade?”

“Wait, trade?” Merle frowned, looking at the deals worlock “don't you mean pay?”

“No silly! I mean trade, It's the witching hour after all. No gold needed… That is if you have something good to trade. Take for instance, those flowers on your arm. You could give me a couple of those and then you'd get anything you want.”

Merle glanced at his arm, surprised. “What, what in the world could you need those for? And why the ones from my arm?”

Garfield froze for a moment, before smiling. “They seem pretty and magical. I don't need a reason! Do you want your desired medical supplies and tea or not?”

Merle stared at Garfield, clearing his throat. “How about this, you give me the tea and medicine and I don't tell everyone on base about what you _really_ are, we never speak of this again and I agree to never bring it up again. How's that for a deal ‘ _ **Garfield**_ ’?"

Garfield stared back at Merle, trying to call his bluff. He couldn't thought.

Damn him.

“Well Highchurch, you certainly make a hard bargain….. Deal.” Garfield growled, his form shifting.

Garfield made the goods appear in front of Merle, already bagged, receipt and all. “Now get out of my store you dirty Cleric.”

Merle was already walking out the moment he grabbed the bag. “Yeah yeah yeah, at least half the people on base don't think I'm a cat.”

With that, Merle left the store. Garfield had more than just a little to contemplate now.

Maybe this plan wasn't the most effective for him, but it was too late to turn back now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took so long! Angus is up next (which will be uploaded later today!)
> 
> I hope you all have a good day!
> 
> Also Merle rolled a 13, and when Garfield tried to call him out on his bluff, he rolled a 9.
> 
> He couldn't call him out on it and honestly that made it all the better.


End file.
